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Opening messages on dating apps seem to be a sticking point for many. I get it - I too have spent nearly 20 minutes crafting the perfect, personalized message only to get left on read.
So let me first let you in on a little secret:
Your opening message doesn't matter that much. Whether she answers or not is largely based on so many other things aside from whether or not you say "Hey" or "You're cute"
Sometimes your match is just busy or hasn't checked their phone in a while, or recently deleted the app. Sometimes she may not have answered whether you just say "Hey" or had to perfectly crafted opener.
Finally, if you ask chatgpt or even use Bumble's opening prompts you'll get a bunch of openers that either convey too much interest, are boring, or try to jump into deep questions right away.
The issue with the latter is that it's unnatural to jump right into those deep questions.
That all being said, if I had to rank the worst to best opening messages, I've personally used based on responses here's what I've found.
Worst
7.Coming on too strong or sexual ("Hey sexy")
This should really go without saying, but no matter how much you think she may be responsive to a sexualized message I can 100% guarantee she's not. Even if her profile has risky pics or raunchy lines, do not, I repeat, do not open with anything sexual.
I feel embarrassed even giving examples here, but if it's not something you would say to a girl on the street or in a grocery store just don't do it.
6.Showing too much interested ("You're exactly my type")
Another one that guys rely on, but they really shouldn't. I don't care how good-looking you are, saying something that overly conveys your interest in a first message is always bad.
Examples:
"Let's run away together."
"Let's get married in Vegas."
"You're my exact type."
"I want to whisk you away right now."
It's like saying "I don't care about your personality, interests, goals, or flaws, I'm 100% ready to get married on the spot."
I've used these in the past. The conversation rarely, if ever, goes anywhere, and it does lead to a date the girl likely isn't someone that you would see yourself with long-term.
5.Saying something negative ("Dating apps suck right?")
This may seem like a good route to go, but I assure you it's not.
Examples:
"Dating apps suck right?"
"Dating apps are totally draining."
"Why do girls use so many filters?"
"So do you actually look like your pictures?"
"So how many times have you been 'height-fished'?"
If you think being negative makes you seem "real" it might, but no one really wants to go on a date with someone who's overtly negative all the time.
Yes, dating apps can be frustrating and people can suck, but being fun and interesting is always better than "real" and pessimistic.
4.Using longer openers or thought provoking questions
So I know bumble really wants you to use though-provoking questions in an attempt to really get to know someone, but aside from these being unnatural to ask someone you just met, they also just convey too much interest.
Examples:
"What are your red and green flags?"
"Describe your perfect first date."
"What was your favorite and least favorite vacation?"
No one really wants to answer these longer detailed questions
A good rule of thumb is that:
If you wouldn't ask someone these questions as an opener in the supermarket then they're probably not ideal as dating app openers.
Mid:
3.Generic openers with no follow up
So I'm actually not entirely against more generic opening lines (as I'll get to next).
However, generic opening lines can quickly lead to boring, bland conversation that quickly leads to a disinterested match. For example:
You: Hey what are you up to
Her: not much what about you
You: just work
Her: cool
Seems like a fun convo right? My rule is if you are going to start with a generic opener have a good follow up planned, and be sure to match the amount of effort she is putting into the conversation - no more and no less.
Best:
2.Asking about their day ("How was Your Day" etc)
So I know many people will be surprised that this one is up so high on this list, but the truth is that starting off in a neutral, friendly (somewhat boring) tone then leading to engaging conversation can be very natural if done properly.
Here's a screenshot of how I've used one of these lines in the past:
1.Personalized Opener Statement or Question ("Did You Also Force Your Dog to Wear a Halloween Costume?")
So these are openers that comment about a possible similarity between you two or may be a interesting insight about something on their profile
These work because they are fun and light and don't convey too much interest.
For example, if you both are dog owners there are so many options like:
"Do you also force your dog to wear an embarrassing holiday sweater?"
"Does your dog also sleep diagonal in your bed (and take up as much space as possible)?"
If she mentions other similarities that you may have such as movies, travel, etc find an interesting, fun way to comment on them:
Movies:
"I saw Terrifier in theaters I may have covered my eyes in one or two scenes."
"I saw Iron Claw on a flight and may have cried in public during it."
Travel:
"Don't judge but I thought the pizza in NJ was better pizza in Italy."
Sports:
"I know I don't look it, but I actually have a decent golf swing."
Ranking the Best Opening Lines for Dating Apps
I hope this post was insightful, I think opening lines on dating apps can be tough for a variety or reasons.
Some guidelines I'd recommend are:
keep thing light and playful
be okay with being a little self-deprecating
if using a generic lines ("hey") have a good follow up planned
use lines that don't involve too much commitment from your match
don't use opening lines that you wouldn't be comfortable saying to someone in person during the day at a grocery store
Thanks for reading and catch you guys in the next one - Zack
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