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Maybe you recently decided to try out dating apps and are now wondering...so how do you actually get a date from a dating app?
Okay so you swipe all day, get a new match, now what?
Usually just getting a match is the hard part, but once you have one you may have all kinds of questions.
After spending years on dating apps and frequently moving around, I finally found a simple system that works to actually get dates. I mean it did help me meet my wife so that's nice
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General Process to Get a Date from a Dating App
Here's the process to actually get a date from apps like Bumble, Hinge, or Tinder:
Match (yup we got that part)
Message
Phone Call
Setup Date
Profit??? (jk)
1.What to Should Your First Message Be?
So there are endless posts and answers about what your first message should be on a dating app. Let me let you in on a little secret:
Your first message doesn't really matter that much.
The truth is if someone likes your photos they are probably going to respond to your initial message.
However, if they are busy, are seeing someone else, are taking a break from dating apps, or just haven't checked their phone in a while they probably won't respond.
So the main point is - don't put to much effort in crafting the perfect opening line.
Honestly, the line I've had the most success with is simply: "Heyy what are you up to today"
It's what you say after the first line that really matters.
2.They Keys to a Good Conversation on a Dating App
Here is an exact conversation I had with someone copy and pasted:
me: Heyy what are you up to today?
her: nothing just work wbu?
me: same then taking my grandma to Trader Joe's (wish me luck)
her: Uff..not all heroes wear capes
me: ha she's the best but it was a constant battle between her "shortcuts" and the gps
So what I'm saying happens to be true, something I experienced, and something I genuinely find funny.
Now this may seem simple, but there's a couple things at play here:
I'm humanizing myself and making myself seem relatable
I'm leaving openings for her to respond
I'm not overly eager
I'm mirroring the amount of effort they are putting into their responses
I'm waiting for clear signs that she is interested before getting deeper and asking questions
If I had to choose the one main takeaway it would be to give them time to respond and let them drive the conversation forward. If you are constantly asking questions and giving bland responses the conversation will quickly die.
For example here's a conversation I had the quickly went nowhere to drive the point home.
me: Heyy what are you up to today?
her: just work
me: what do you do for work?
her: I'm in finance
me: oh nice I'm in tech
(..and no response)
Hopefully you see the difference with these two excerpts between being fun and leaving openings vs being overly eager and bland.
3.How to Get Their Phone Number?
So if you feel the conversation flowing and her putting effort in it may be time to consider asking for her phone number and moving off the dating app.
I've done this a couple ways in the past, but the one I've had the most success with is simply by asking:
Do you want to have a quick phone chat one night? I should be free tonight or tomorrow night.
This does a couple things:
Avoids the risk of her not answering the initial text once you get her phone number
Gives you the chance to possibly speak on the phone as a "pre-first date"
Helps you build comfort and rapport and take off some of the anxiety of a potential first date
Plus, if the phone conversation goes well it will naturally lead to the next step
4.Plan a date
If you speak on the phone and feel like things are going well, towards the end of the call I would recommend saying something like:
Well, I'm free Friday or Sunday if you're up for a date one night
After speaking with them on the phone for any amount of time (usually after 30 minutes), it will seem like a natural escalation. It's like you both are on the dating app, both have been talking on the phone for 30+ minutes so why not schedule a date.
Simple Ways to Get a Date from Dating Apps
I think what guys struggle with most on dating apps (aside from getting a match in the first place) is conveying that they are normal and easy going. I'm sure one of the biggest concerns a girl has when meeting someone online is "is this guy going to be a weirdo?"
So it's important to convey that you are not a weirdo with humanizing conversation, a lack of eagerness, and overall, knowing your identity and what you personally find fun to talk about.
These simple four steps cut out a lot of other issues men have with dating apps like girls being unresponsive, flakey, or just having texting conversations lead nowhere. So feel free to give them a shot.
As always If you want some personal help check out our quiz here!
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